By John Murphy
Last night I tore apart a filing cabinet seeking a document that refused to be found.
But I did locate a letter dated July 25, 1995, from one Bill Akers of Aptos, California.
I know Akers. He was an OG who sat near me at my first full-time newspaper job in Watsonville in the 1980s.
“Dear John,” Akers began. “It was heartwarming to learn that some of the culture you were exposed to in the Pajaronian newsroom has stayed with you. Although you are long removed from the Pajaro Valley in time and distance, you are still able to write a column using such words as bemusement, incarcerated, incongruous, reprobate, and ne’er-do-well.”
Spoiler alert, I was busted driving 85 mph (allegedly) through the Antelope Valley one summer day, prompting the gendarme to inform me that “We don’t allow people to drive that fast down here.”
Down here? Hmmm, maybe I was rocking a Giants’ ballcap because it’s apparent there was an anti-Bay Area bias at work.
The late Akers really got a kick out of my misfortune because he continued, “Further proof that you have the makings of a gentleman was that you appeared in court ‘nattily attired,’ although you failed to mention a necktie. You did wear a necktie to court, didn’t you?”
Um, no.
“I would suggest you look to O.J. Simpson as an example of what a tailored suit, clean shirt and tasteful necktie can do for one’s image,” Akers continued. “However, when I suggest him as a role model, I am speaking only sartorially; I do not necessarily endorse his method of solving domestic disputes.”
And so it went. Quipster OG Akers up in Santa Cruz County, shredding me like I was a Pleasure Point wave. He wasn’t done, either.
Akers: “It was a little disturbing to note that you still have some of the scofflaw in you. This was evident in your pique at having been ticketed for going 85 mph in a 55 mph zone. Seventy-five, perhaps, but 85 was excessive. The constable did the only thing he could do.”
OK, I get it. I was a tad heavy on the gas pedal. I admit it. But I’ve paid my debt to society.
But seriously, it was nice to hear from the aged wordsmith Bill Akers 30 years ago. And, yes, it was a bonus to be surrounded by such top journalists early in my career. I just wish they weren’t all so damned observant.
Main Street Dog 